Power Rankings

1. Sharks: The Finns are circling the boat (Get it? There are a lot of Finns on the team, and the team is named the Sharks! Get it? Get it?) and there's no help in sight for the rest of the league. Look for GM Mumbower to beef up before the trade deadline and pick up a top six forward and a top four defenseman.

2. Rangers: Absolutely on fire in their last ten, GM Hugo Lamoureux credits his team's success to having more guys named Chris than any other team in the league. With the most dangerous offense in the east and a top tier goalie, look for the Rags to go shopping for some defensive depth in the next few weeks. They can smell the Cup in New York already.

3. Oilers: Putting up very similar numbers to the Sharks, but playing in a very gravy division. This team's number two seed in the West could be a mirage, brought on by a downy-soft schedule, or they could be the real deal. Loads of young guns give this group a bright future, and pleny of assets to bring in some hired guns for the playoffs.

4. Coyotes: Quite simply the most dynamic, explosive offense in the league. It's too bad no one on the team has ever met their goalie or even skated into their own zone. With great goaltending and a nice group of forwards, it would be a shame if GM Nathan didn't shore up the blueline before the deadline. Some depth acquisitions could make this team a legit threat, as it stands they are a first round upset waiting to happen.

5. Panthers: A very well balanced team, anchored by a strong defense and a solid group of veteren leaders. There is also enough youth to keep this squad hungry. Can they repeat as Cup champs? Only time will tell, but Pavelec is going to have to keep up his torrid pace into the playoffs.

6. Blackhawks: Red hot as of late, the Blackhawks are just on the verge of a playoff berth. The talent is there, but GM Jank needs to cut out some of the fat and retool the defense if he wants to make the playoffs. This group is way too inconsistant as it stands. Once they get in, they should be a contender.

7. Devils: Out of the playoffs as it stands, but creeping up slowly. Kind of like the Cane's GM on the Commish's mother. The Devils are only one spot out of the 8th seed, but could use some depth up front to be taken seriously by the rest of the league.

8. Senetors: A devestating offense, the most stiffling defense in the league, and a solid goaltending tandem. What does this franchise need to do to nail down the number one spot? Maybe not dropping recent games to bottom feeders like the Blues and Canucks would help. Overall this is a very strong team, and some veteren forwards would help round out the Sens very well.

9. Maple Leafs: This team is loaded with some great young talent. They don't look ready to make a bit impact in the playoffs just yet, but this year will be great for experience. If I'm the Leafs GM, I keep playing the kids, don't move any picks just yet, and see where my team goes.

10. Kings: Good mix of veteren leaders and young studs. The Kings are poised to meet up with the Yotes in the playoffs this year, and they could be the team to knock them out. They score less, but they give up less too. JS Gigeure is a polayoff legend. The Kings have a few young studs rotting in the minors that could be used to bring in a monster impact player. If the right deal is made, the Cup could be coming to LA this offseason.

11. Predators: No one knows why the division leading Preds are ranked lower than the 9th place Hawks. We do know that the Preds boast a deep, well balanced team and the second best GAA in the league. Goal scoring could be a problem, but I think the Preds can grind it out in the playoffs. A weak division is a concern, but I think a little tweaking of the roster can put this team in the conference finals.

12. Blues: Really? The second worst GAA in the West? An impotent offense? 12 place? Really? It's firesale time in St. Louis. All players half off!

13. Nordiques: An explosive offense, a high flying puck moving defense, and a young stud goaltender. A good stay at home defenseman might help Quebec's PK situation, but other than that just stand back and watch the magic.

14. Canadiens: Ok... 5-5 in their last ten, and slotted in the 11 spot in the East. Sure, this team SHOULD make the playoffs, they are close and have the talent. But where are the B's and Sabres on this list? I think the rankings machine needs an oil change.

15. Flyers: Of course, a team that scores less than it's opponents is next. I like their depth, but they need a big time defenseman who can anchor the team and play big minutes. Hint: Call St. Louis. I heard they are having a firesale.

16. Flames: A solid offense, a good defense, and scary good goalie. A little more strength up the middle might help, but this team should be playoff bound.

17. Blue Jackets: Four dead in Ohio isn't just a song, it describes both goalies and their hopes for a Jennings trophy. On paper this is a good team, but something needs to be done to boost the defense.

18. Sabres: Barely hanging on in a brutal division, Buffalo needs help across the board. Their offense isn't good, their defense is worse, and their goaltending needs help. Time to scour the league for some bargain pickups to plug holes up front and on the blueline.

19. Ducks: If they weren't playing in the toughest division in the league, they might be on pace for 50 wins. This is just a good, all round team that has to run into the Sharks buzzsaw and the rest of the Pacific way too often. Look for experience to win out in the playoffs, giving Anahiem a nice deep run. Also look for Skwid to get caught in a compromising situation involving a glory hole and some strawberry jam. Don't say I didn't warn you!

20. Capitals: Sources say GM Mike Joachim only has three haris left on his head to pull out. He has done everything in his power to make this team stronger, and they just keep going down the tubes. The offense can't score, the defense is lackluster, and the goaltending is out to lunch. If anyone is going to come into work on Monday with a list and a gun, it's Mike. Heads up Ricky D, I hear you're first!

21. Red Wings: A star goalie, a star defenseman, three star wingers, and a star center. Sounds good right? Well, not if they are surrounded by stuff, things, and junk. Time to nab some depth. Is that the Kings I hear calling?

22. Stars: Joe Thornton is a monster, and the rest of the team is deep and well balanced. Tanguay should have more than 19 goals playing next to Jumbo Joe, look for GM Bucci to swing a trade for a sniper before the deadline.

23. Islanders: Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?!?!? They have scored 110 goals, they have let in 128. I'm no math expert, but that doesn't sound like a winning formula. Somehow, this zombie won't die. Don't worry, I expect the coffin to be delivered sometime next week.

24. wild: They are the homeless man's version of the Coyotes. A good NHL offense, but a bad AHL defense. How do you score 120 goals and let in 160? Dan Ellis is currently seeing a psychologist. Apparently every night he has nightmares that he's being raped by hockey pucks.

25: Bruins: This is an odd group. Very solid on paper, with goaltending being the only real weakness, this team should be where they're at; near the top of the conference, but unable to overtake the real powerhouse teams. How they are doing this with one of the worst GAAs in the league is baffling.

26. Canucks: Yuck! Avoid this steamer at all costs. Rick Nash is counting the days until free agency.

27. Avalanche: Drew Doughty, here we come!

28. Lighting: They still exist?

29. Thrashers: The worst defense in the league. Congratulations!

30. Hurricanes: They have laid an egg in their last 10, but even I don't think they belong down here. They could still make the playoffs.

30th overall?? Wow, something needs to change here in Carolina.

Only thing that needs to change is the Isles making the rankings even with a goose egg in the last 10 games their still 18 up on Atlanta, that does nt say much for Atlanta, you can also add the Avalanche to the bottom of that list to.

stadnyk wrote:

Only thing that needs to change is the Isles making the rankings even with a goose egg in the last 10 games their still 18 up on Atlanta, that does nt say much for Atlanta, you can also add the Avalanche to the bottom of that list to.

You mean I need to stop making the rankings? Or the Isles shouldn't even be on them?


I actually don't make the list, I just click on the "power rankings" link up top. It updates every time the sims are updated. I just add my own mean commentary.

Sorry

No, I just didn't understand what you were saying... it's fine

Yet another good and funny read ...

Keep up that good work Ian

fantastic

Lol, great read. Love your takes on almost all of the teams from 19 to 30!

With recent activity suspensions (Thornton, Stuart, Redden, etc.) you can expect some of those teams to drop.

IslesGM wrote:

19. Ducks: If they weren't playing in the toughest division in the league, they might be on pace for 50 wins. This is just a good, all round team that has to run into the Sharks buzzsaw and the rest of the Pacific way too often. Look for experience to win out in the playoffs, giving Anahiem a nice deep run. Also look for Skwid to get caught in a compromising situation involving a glory hole and some strawberry jam. Don't say I didn't warn you!

What I do on my own time with your Mother is MY business.